Ideal Self
by CyberMaiden
Summary: AU or dreamscape (you decide.) Gren and Faye fic one shot with introspective Faye pov.


Title: Ideal Self

Author: Tiffany G.

Email: cybermaden@yahoo.com

Pairing: "Gray" (I hope I coined the term and that people use it someday, haha.) If you don't already know, it is Faye/Gren.

Rated: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Cowboy Bebop or any characters or themes… or anything connected to the show or manga. I am simply trying to exercise a particularly nasty demon muse. "So Far Away" belongs to Staind. Genevieve is mine, the name is pronounced Zyan-vi-ev.

Notes: An AU fic vaguely (but not?) connected to my previous "Gray Tinged Affection." Suspend your disbelief, love has no gender. Besides Gren in general seemed like he be would avoiding relationships altogether in the series. (I was thinking about doing an Animated Music Video for Gren and Faye to this song, that is how the idea for the fic came about. If this fic makes no sense, blame it on me being tired and writing it at 3:30 am…) _Flashbacks in italics._

**__**

This is my life

It's not what it was before 

All these feelings I've shared

And these are my dreams 

That I'd never lived before

Somebody shake me 'cause I

I must be sleeping

These days it's hard to believe I've ever been anyone besides Mrs. Faye Eckener. The person I am at present, the woman I was all those years ago, and even the child I was in my first life are miles apart. The happiness I've found with my husband has changed me, and I don't care if that sounds clichéd. He's helped me to be the person I've always wanted to be, and I've helped him to achieve that as well. Separate we were lacking, together our lives overflow with everything we've ever desired. All my lives I've been striving for this feeling he has given me, the completion of my heart. 

__ ****

Now that we're here, it's so far away

All the struggle we thought was in vain

All the mistakes, one life contained 

They all finally start to go away 

The night and day of when Gren and I first met threatened to be our last. Much like my old comrade Spike, he was dying before we met. I remember how much he was determined to leave me, just to throw what was left of his life away in order to obtain revenge from Vicious. I was so furious, that he'd shared himself with me and let me share myself with him, only to go get himself killed and rob me of the first connection I'd felt since I was brought back from cryo-sleep. I remember how I changed his mind, I thank God that the words came that would eventually bind us to each other for the rest of our lives.

**__**

Now that we're here, it's so far away

And I feel like I can face the day 

I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed 

To be the person that I am today

'Why did you bring me here?'

'Maybe I wanted to be with someone. I…I don't know.'

'You just help someone selfishly and you take them home. And then you go off to die…'

I shot at him then, in a blind fury, not really trying to hit him. I wanted him to know how much he was hurting me, and how else could I say it, but with a Faye Valentine tantrum? I was like a frightened child. Gren dodged easily and wrenched my arm painfully behind my back. I dropped the gun and turned around to sob on his shoulder.

'You can't die Gren, you can't. I just met you so it can't be over already, we have time. It's like I'm never enough to make people want me around, to make them stay.'

He wrapped his arms around me then, clenching his eyes shut. 'I have to do this Faye. This was begun way before I met you, don't you understand?'

'No, I only understand that this is stupid and it isn't worth it. Confronting Vicious won't accomplish anything. You'll just die for nothing. I know him Gren, I've met him and if Spike couldn't kill him, you won't be able to do anything.'

'You know Spike?'

I looked up into his face. 'Yeah, he is one of my shipmates, how do you know about him?'

'A woman named Julia came into the Blue Crow once, two years ago, just like you did. She listened to me play, she knew the song from the music box. Turns out she knew Vicious. She talked about Spike a lot, they both had a lot of reasons to hate Vicious. I'm not alone in that.'

'Well then let me tell you, Spike barely survived his last encounter with Vicious, so I know you won't Gren. No one can fight like Spike and Vicious must be his equal to have gone up against him.' I suddenly had a thought, it was a rash idea, but I was desperate to get Gren away from this situation.

'Gren, we can leave, we can leave Callisto. Go somewhere else and become new people. Please Gren.'

He nearly caved when he saw the urgency written on my face, but he still believed he would die anyway.

'Faye I know I'm hurting you, but I have to meet with Vicious, even if my life is sure to end. It's going to end soon anyway Faye, the drugs did a lot of damage and I can't afford to get a doctor to cure me.'

'You mean you can be cured?'

'The doctors say that through more drug therapy and surgery I may be able to go back to being healthy, but I could never afford it.'

'What if, what if you could. If I said I'd find a way, would you leave with me right now? I can make up for his betrayal, don't push away a real comrade. You say you want that, so badly, well so do I.'

He looked at me with doubt. 'If there was a way, I'd go with you.'

****

These are my words 

That I've never said before

I think I'm doing okay

And this is the smile 

That I've never shown before 

Somebody shake me 'cause I

I must be sleeping

I'd gambled for much of my time as Faye Valentine, and I'd finally won the jackpot when I convinced Gren to start a new life with me. I went back to the place where I was revived, and with guns blazing I got the doctors to agree to cure Gren, or else. Lucky for them, they did. His hormones returned to normal as well as his body. With it, his will to live was renewed as well. We settled in Europa and we still live there today, as husband and wife. I'd fallen in love with him as I fought for his life, and he fell in love with me for doing so.

**__**

Now that we're here, it's so far away

All the struggle we thought was in vain

All the mistakes, one life contained 

They all finally start to go away 

"Momma, what are you doing?" The small figure of my daughter registered in my sight, I had been reminiscing again in my room.

"Just thinking sweetie." I ruffled her dark blue hair affectionately.

Our daughter, Genevieve is the culmination of my dreams. When I see myself in her green eyes and her father in her face I know all the mistakes I've made and all the pain Gren and I have suffered hadn't been for nothing.

"Where's daddy?"

'He's making us lunch, he told me to wake you up. Come with me!"

I let myself be dragged from my room to the kitchen by my young daughter. Her father stood at the stove, his tongue peaking out of his lips as he prepared grilled cheese sandwiches. 

**__**

Now that we're here, it's so far away

And I feel like I can face the day 

I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed 

To be the person that I am today

Gren turned to greet us as soon as he flipped the sandwiches. He briefly took me into his arms and kissed me sweetly on the lips. Then he scooped up Genevieve into a hug, smooching her all over her face as she giggled.

"Are my girls hungry? I'm making extra because Jet, Ed, and Ein are supposed to stop over for lunch."

I sat down at the table, bouncing Genevieve on my knee while Gren continued to prepare the food, stirring the tomato soup ever once in a while. "Really, I can't wait to ask what they have been up to, we haven't seen them in months, Hopefully they haven't been up to too much trouble."

Gren turned serious for a moment. "Actually they want to know if you'd like to visit the cemetery on Mars, where Spike is buried. Tomorrow is the anniversary…of you know."

"Yeah I know." Spike had died nearly 6 years previously, after his battle to the death with Vicious. I often wondered if I could have saved him like I had saved Gren, but I had not come back into contact with the Bebop until after his death. Ed had gotten ahold of me and told me the bad news. I mourned for a very long time.

**__**

I'm so afraid of waking 

Please don't shake me

Afraid of waking 

Please don't shake me

I hope he's happy with Julia in the afterlife, and that he's realized that his life was not a dream and not a nightmare. I hope he watches over us and knows us as his family, knows how much we cared for him and still think about him. For a while I wondered if what I had with Gren was all a dream, and dreaded waking up, but the loss of Spike taught me really to cherish the time I had and to not rush into death by worrying about the past, present, and future so much.

**__**

Now that we're here, it's so far away

All the struggle we thought was in vain

All the mistakes, one life contained 

They all finally start to go away 

"You ok hun?" Gren woke me from my memories. He was setting out a plate of sandwiches and the pot of soup.

"Yes, I was just thinking that we should all go. To visit the cemetery together."

"Well we'll just take off of work tomorrow and bring Gene with us, she's never been to Mars before."

"That's right, we'll have to take her to some places while we're there, and I'll need to pick up some flowers for the grave."

A knock at the door signaled the rest of my family had arrived. I stood to let them in, Ed and my daughter immediately attacked each other in a hug when they saw each other. I embraced Jet and welcomed them inside, patting Ein on the head, and being crushed by Ed before leading them to the kitchen where we all sat and ate lunch together. The normalcy of the moment washed over me. Once, I may have said being normal was impossible, I would get bored with it quick, but this life feels very right to me now. I'm happy with what my life has become.

**__**

Now that we're here, it's so far away

And I feel like I can face the day 

I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed 

To be the person that I am today

The End

__ __


End file.
